Promising that the journey will be tough but ultimately fulfilling, Covey cites examples from his own life illustrating times when he was able to change his perceptions and, in effect, create a new outlook. One of the major illustrations he uses relates to his perceptions of his son. Originally, Covey and his wife set out to make their son happy by trying to, in a sense, guide his life decisions and activities. When they finally realized that they had to shift their viewpoints and let go of control in order to allow their son to develop on his own, he actually blossomed!
In order to create new habits, we must realize that they are the intersections of our skills, desires, and knowledge and that they take time to develop. Giving an overview of each of the seven habits he references in the title, Covey says that as individuals, it is possible for us to move from dependence to independence to ultimate interdependence. The goal is to become more aware of others in the process and, hopefully, enrich others' lives as well as our own.
Early on in the book, Covey asks his readers to visualize themselves at their own funerals and think about their legacies. With these images in mind, readers can change their outlooks and implement the seven habits. Using proactive language instead of reactive language (for instance, "I can choose a different approach" rather than the easier and more prevalent "That's just the way I am") can empower a person to choose his or her response and, in effect, completely alter the outcome of a situation. Covey points to Viktor Frankel, a survivor of the Holocaust who was made to do horrific things while maintaining a positive outlook on the situation. Frankel survived because of his ability to transfer himself mentally to a different place and take control of his response to Nazi brutality.
Visualizing the end result is one key to effectiveness, according to Covey. To rescript a situation is to first develop a self-awareness that can assist you with discovering your deepest values and then acting them out. Communicating is another key. Covey believes that communication is the "most important skill to life." Therefore, one of the habits centers on listening first in order to be heard. Using an analogy of a mother asking her son about his unhappiness and responding judgmentally before he can explain himself, Covey demonstrates that we often say we want to listen but end up doing just the opposite and alienating the person with whom we are trying to communicate.
Listening to understand instead of listening to respond is necessary if one wants to be heard. Covey calls this "empathic listening." In one example, he writes about how he and his wife learned and used this technique on a daily basis until their communication grew to a new level. Once they embraced empathic listening and implemented it in their daily lives, the two of them were able to open up to one another and work together with synergy. The same practice can be used in business and sales in order to achieve a mutually beneficial result.
Using visual aids, pictures, and vignettes, Covey is able to get to the heart of an issue and show how he changed by using the seven habits. Although the process takes time and discipline, it is definitely possible to follow it, as is evidenced by the experiences of various heads of companies who have used the techniques.
As he takes the reader on a journey through the habits, Covey teaches by example, something he believes in wholeheartedly. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People proves to be an effective book of examples that, if used properly, can most definitely change the lives of people who want to become better at what they do as well as improve who they are.
